Mother's Day

“Hello. I would like to make a call to the United States. I have a calling card and a rotary phone. Can you please connect me?”
“One moment, please. Let me transfer you.”
“Hello. I would like to make a call to the United States. I have a calling card and a rotary phone. Can you please connect me?”
“I’m sorry, you need to be on a touch tone phone to make this phone call.”
“But, I’m in Slovakia. There are no touch tone phones that I have access to. Can you please connect me? I know it can be done because it was done on this same phone by a friend 15 minutes ago. The computer just doesn’t understand my voice commands because of the static. Would you be so kind as to connect me?”
“One moment, please. Let me transfer you.”
“ATT, I’m sorry for your inconvenience, how may I help you?”
“Hello. I would like to make a call to the United States. I have a calling card and a rotary phone. Can you please connect me?”
“I’m sorry, we do not have the capability to connect you using this calling card. You need to call this number.”
“That’s the number I called. They connected me with you. I know I can make this call because it was done on this same phone by a fiend 20 minutes ago. The computer just doesn’t understand my voice commands because of the static. Would you be so kind as to connect me?”
“One moment, please. Let me transfer you.”
“Hello, ATT Supervisors line. We are sorry for any inconvenience, how my we help you?”
“I would like to make a call to the United States. I have a calling card and a rotary phone. The computer just doesn’t understand my voice commands because of the static. Can you please connect me?”
“I’m sorry, we do not have the capability to connect you using this calling card. You need to call this number.”
“That’s the number I called. They connected me with you. I know I can make this call because it was done on this same phone by a fiend 25 minutes ago. The computer just doesn’t understand my voice commands because of the static. Would you be so kind as to connect me?”
“I’m sorry, we do not have the capability to connect you using this calling card. You need to call this number.”
“I did call that number and I was connected to you. I know I can call the states because it was done on this same phone by a friend 30 minutes ago.”
“You must be mistaken.”
“May I speak to your supervisor?”
“I am the supervisor”
“Do you not have a supervisor?”
“No.”
“Who is your boss”
“I don’t have one.”
“What is your name?”
“Arthur.”
“Arthur, are you the CEO of ATT?”
“I am not inclined to answer that question?”
“Do you have a supervisor?”
“No.”
“So you must be the CEO. What is the CEO doing working on a Sunday afternoon. Obviously, if you were the CEO you would be playing golf right now. Therefore, you are not the CEO so you must have a boss. May I please speak to him or her?”
“No. I do not have a boss.”
“Then why are you working on a Sunday afternoon? It’s Mothers Day. I need to call my mother. Do you have a mother, Author?”
Pause.
“Yes.”
“How would your mother feel if you didn’t call her?”
“My mother lives in town.”
“Author, my mother doesn’t since I live in Slovakia and I’m trying to call her in California. Can you please connect us?”
“No. We don’t have that capability.”
“Arthur, a call was placed on this phone, with this calling card 35 minutes ago to the states. When did you start work today?”
“I’m not obligated to say.”
“So, what you are saying, is that before you started work, a call could be made from this phone, on a calling card to the states. Since you started work today, this isn’t possible. Are you sure you’re the CEO?”
“Ma'am, I understand you’re frustration, but I do not have the capability to connect your call.”
“Arthur, do you think you have been promoted to your ability of incompetence? They cannot demote you. That would be an insult to their brains for promoting you in the first place. But, they cannot promote you because you are inept.”
Pause
“Arthur, do you know what inept means?”
Pause
“Never mind. Arthur, can you please connect me now?”
“No. We do not have the capability to do that.”
“How could you do it 40 minutes ago?”
“I’m sure that we didn’t connect any calls 40 minutes ago.”
“Arthur. Do you have access to call records?”
“Yes.”
“And were any calls made from this card tonight?”
“I’m not entitled to say.”
“So, yes, there were!”
“Yes.”
“Tonight?”
“I’m not entitled to say.”
”So, Arthur, how could a call be made today, 45 minutes ago, where you could connect it, but you can’t now?”
“I’m not entitled to say.”
“Arthur?”
“I’m not entitled to say.”
“Are you a robot?”
“No.” replies Arthur. “Robots don’t have names.”
“Yes, they do, Arthur. Certainly you know this.”
“I’m not entitled to say.”